Issue 5: It'll Calm Down Next Week

“It’s just one of those weeks,” I tell myself, having chosen a career that seems incapable of having any other type of week.

That was the caption on a video I posted recently, and it did pretty well. Often, the posts that do best are the ones people recognise their own lives in. And, hoo-boy, are teachers all living the same one.

“We just need to get through this week, and things will start to calm down,” we tell ourselves on a perpetual loop, as we cycle through transition, harvest, Christmas, observations, learning walks, moderation, book scrutinies, SATs, assessments, reports, Ofsted, sports days, wind, rain, snow, heatwaves and transition again.

Anyway, it has been busy this week. But next week? Well. Next week, things will start to calm down.

Let’s crack on.

Satirical education news that has probably actually happened.

A PRIMARY school’s parent WhatsApp group has exchanged 87 messages without establishing whether tomorrow is PE.

The discussion began at 7.42pm when Emma Bradford asked a question she believed had two possible answers.

Bradford said: “We got a ‘yes’ almost straight away, but someone put ‘Are you sure?’ and the whole thing collapsed.

“Oliver says it’s Thursday. Oliver also says he owns a helicopter, so we’re keeping an open mind.”

A screenshot briefly resolved the situation before someone noticed it was clearly labelled ‘Summer term 2023’.

One father then confidently confirmed swimming, before apologising and returning to the Year 5 group.

A poll has produced eleven votes for yes, nine for no and six for “I thought it was forest school”.

Parents have provisionally agreed to send children in trainers, school trousers and a PE top underneath their jumper, with a spare uniform in a bag.

The correct timetable, posted as the fourth message, has received one thumbs-up.

Bradford added: “Everyone’s been really helpful. Sarah’s even offered to ask her sister, who’s a teacher. Different school, but she might know.”

At 9.16pm, a parent who had muted the conversation returned.

“Sorry, I can’t read all that. Is it PE tomorrow?”

Your school problems, answered with advice of questionable usefulness.

This arrived in my inbox this morning, and I just had to include it.

Dear Anonymous,

Oh man. Are schools still doing this in the big 2026?

It’s like, your school is so close. So close to getting it. Let me help.

Cancel staff meeting = good 😊

Force wellbeing = bad ☹️

I’m sure it’ll feel novel as a one-off when you’d normally be in a staff meeting. I don’t know what’s on the list, but whether you’re doing downward dog (yoga… come on. Don’t be like that), building a tower with marshmallows and dried spaghetti, or taking some lovely deep breaths, there’s still that little voice in your head going, “I have 60 books to mark.”

And now you’ll be marking them later because you’ve spent an hour relaxing against your will.

I’d ask whether an hour to get on top of things in your classroom could be added to the list. If they need an activity title, “Reducing the Thing That’s Actually Stressing Me Out” should cover it.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. The most valuable thing you can give a teacher, the greatest gift towards wellbeing of all, is time.

Time to catch up. Time to go home. Time to decide for themselves whether they fancy doing some bloody yoga.

It really is that simple.

Education news that actually did happen.

SCHOOLS should face Ofsted downgrades if their AI strategies are weak, according to a new report for Public First.

To help schools embrace a radically different future, the report recommends a reassuringly familiar method: threatening them with Ofsted.

Under the proposals, schools would introduce governor-approved AI strategies by September 2027. Each school would also appoint a member of staff and a pupil as “AI champions”.

Somebody who once successfully connected a Bluetooth speaker could soon find themselves leading the future of education.

The pupil champion will presumably be the person the staff champion asks for help.

These are recommendations in a report, rather than new requirements. You can briefly unclench.

There is a sensible point underneath all this. The report found that 63 per cent of secondary pupils surveyed had used AI to help with homework or coursework. Schools need support to help children understand what these tools can do, what they get wrong and when doing your own thinking remains advisable.

AI could also save teachers time. Which would be lovely.

Although there is something wonderfully familiar about approaching a potentially useful development and immediately asking who will coordinate it, where the strategy will be kept and how we’ll demonstrate it to an inspector.

Presumably the first job for the AI champion will be asking AI to write the strategy.

Then staying after school to explain how it’s going to save everyone time.

Read the full story in Schools Week

One thing that might make your life slightly easier.

Explorify has free primary science activities built around pictures, short videos and questions, with very little preparation needed.

Try a “Zoom In, Zoom Out” activity: children examine a close-up image, explain what they think it shows, then reconsider as more of the picture is revealed. Handy for a quick science starter, with plenty of observing, reasoning and discussion.

There are also “Odd One Out” challenges, where children compare three images and explain their choices.

Background science notes are included, too. Useful when “Excellent question!” is mainly a way of buying yourself some time.

You’ll need to create a free account to access the activities.

Explore Explorify here.

Voluntary participation time:

What’s the most baffling thing your school has done in the name of staff wellbeing?

Following this week’s Staffroom Surgery, I want to hear your experiences. Compulsory relaxation? A motivational teabag? An extra meeting about having fewer meetings?

And if your school has done something that actually helped, tell me that too. Credit where it’s due.

Just reply to this email. A sentence or two is plenty, and your answer may feature anonymously in a future issue!

Please read and action.

That’s that! Thank you, as always, for reading!

If you enjoyed it, please forward it to another teacher who could use a laugh.

See you next Thursday! And remember, once you’ve got through this week, things will start to calm down.

Mr Firth